Our Jim Gaffigan is SERIOUS about protecting his good name:
Identity theft is a terrifying reality. My main concern is that someone will steal my money or destroy my credit. I’m less concerned about someone wanting to live in my body, or be the father of my five young children.
Anyway, a couple years ago, not only did I believe that I was the victim of identity theft, but I was convinced I had heroically caught the thief red-handed. You see, I received a bill in the mail for a recently-purchased laptop computer that was charged to my credit card. The only problem was I had NOT recently purchased a laptop.
Through a little detective work, I discovered the thief who was stealing my identity had slipped up. While he had the new computer shipped to his apartment, a phone number was also included. So, full of anger I called and I confronted this imposter.
“Hello?” a normal-sounding voice answered the phone.
I sarcastically said to him, “How are you enjoying my laptop?”
Confused he responded, “Who is this?”
With all the righteous indignation I could muster I announced, “This is Jim Gaffigan. The real one. And I’m going to contact the police!”
After a pause I heard, with no emotion, the voice announce, “That’s my name, too.”
Assuming this was some identity-theft tactic, “Oh, you expect me to believe your name is James Gaffigan?”
You see, Gaffigan is a very rare name. There aren’t even any more Gaffigans left in Ireland. There were a couple handfuls of abnormally large-headed Gaffigans in the Midwest and nobody besides me was named Jim Gaffigan. But somebody else was named Jim Gaffigan and they also lived in New York City. How? Why? Had God made a backup of me? Is this guy a better version of Jim Gaffigan?
Well, I learned he is.
The other Jim Gaffigan is a classical music conductor, presently for the Lucerne Symphony Orchestra. How annoying, right?
And he’s a nice guy, but from what I can tell he doesn’t have one comedy special!
The worst part: the other Jim Gaffigan has more hair than I do!